


10 White Cards

by smts0529



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Cards Against Humanity, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-14 23:22:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7195172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smts0529/pseuds/smts0529
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A one-shot in which John forces Sherlock to play Cards Against Humanity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	10 White Cards

**Author's Note:**

> Was bored so I wrote this up. Enjoy!~

“John, why do you insist on making me play a card game? This has to be the most idiotic waste of time I could have imagined.”

“Oh, shut your bloody mouth,” the doctor said. Christ, Sherlock was such a drama queen. “You’ll like it, I promise. I played this a few years back with some old friends in a pub and we all could not stop laughing.”

“Mmm, judging by the tone of your voice and your posture, there’s something more to this that you refuse to tell me. This game- what is it? What is it about? I believe that this is more of a comedy skit than anything,” the detective noted.

“Sherlock, it’s a funny card game. Why must you deduce everything you lay your eyes on?”

_‘Blushing cheeks- a dead giveaway sign that he is embarrassed and possibly even worried to play this game. His posture is putting all of the weight on his bad leg, which he only does when extreme sadness or excitement are present. He’s biting his lip in a manner of which I am unfamiliar, which indicates that this game is comedic in a sexual nature. All signs are leading to exactly this- he actually wants me to play the damned thing. I may as well do it to keep him entertained. Not like there is anything better to do,’_ the entranced detective thought to himself.

“Bloody hell,” John shouted. “You’re doing it right now, aren’t you?”

Sherlock rolled his eyes rather dramatically and sighed. “Fine, let us do it. If there is one thing in this that I do not like, I will cease playing immediately and go back to reading my beekeeping encyclopedia.”

“Deal,” John said, clearly relieved that Sherlock hadn’t over-thought this like he seems to do with every little thing. “Here are the rules. To start the game, each player draws ten White Cards. The person who most recently... pooped begins as the Card Czar and plays a Black Card. The Card Czar reads the question or fill-in-the-blank phrase on the Black Card out loud.”

“Oh, so the rules of this game are based on who took the most recent bowel movement?”

“Precisely. Crude, but it’s a party game. You’ll just have to deal with it Sherlock,” said John. “I’ll go first just to save the trouble.”. John passed out 10 white cards for himself, 10 for Sherlock. He put 10 black cards into a pile. He flipped the black card over. “Alright now, this says ‘________. That’s how I want to die.’ Pick the best match out of your white cards that would fill in the blank on the black card.”

Sherlock furrowed his eyebrows and put down his ‘Inappropriate yodeling’ card. “John, did I do it right?”

The blogger nodded as he pushed the used cards into their own pile and handed Sherlock the black card. “Yes. In this case. You win the black card. Whoever has more of them when the game is done has won.”

Sherlock sighed and nodded. “Simple enough.”

“Alright, fill in the blank for this- ‘Grocery List: Bread, milk, eggs, soda, ________ , and Cool Whip.”.

John put his ‘William Shatner’ card. He thought it was funny, until Sherlock put down his ‘Penis envy’ card. He nearly spat out his tea when he read that.

The detective was trying to keep his composure and not laugh. He could tell that John noticed he was having fun. Sherlock smirked when John handed him the black card.

 

**That is an illegal amount of ___________.**   
**John: Flying sex snakes. Sherlock: Sexual humiliation.**

**When Obama comes to town,_____ goes to shit.**   
**John: Statistically validated stereotypes. Sherlock: Daddy issues.**

**Dear God, Thank you for ____.**   
**John: Lance Armstrong's missing testicle. Sherlock: Bees?**

**The main ingredient of banana bread is ____.**   
**John: Dick fingers. Sherlock: The shambling corpse of Larry King.**

**A Judge in Canada has ruled that a married couple cannot name their child _______.**   
**John: Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth II. Sherlock: Euphoria™ by Calvin Klein.**

 

 

When it came time for the ‘make your own/blank’ card, Sherlock believed he had the best play of the game. He smirked and threw the scribbled-on white card before John had a chance to play his own.

**Sometimes I feel like _____ is the only thing in this universe that can get me off.**   
**Sherlock: John Watson.**

John bit his lip and looked Sherlock in the eyes.

 

_"Fine then,"_ John murmured. _"Let's move this card game into the bedroom."_


End file.
